Bin Laden Dead

May 3, 2011

This is definitely a great day/week for the United States.  Not that we should ever rejoice in the death of an individual, but the removal of Osama Bin Laden from the equation in the War on Terror is definitely an emotional and strategic boost for the nation.  Congratulations to all the hard work over the past 9+ years by our intelligence, military personnel, and government contractors.  Keep up the good work!

However, I am a little bummed.  I’ve always wanted to see Bin Laden captured, tried, and punished by having to wear a bright pink jumpsuit while he tended White House lawn.  Oh well, there is always Gaddafi.  (I jest … well, maybe a little.)

Fun With Words

March 22, 2011

Here’s a little English language humor to enjoy today.

1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR…

2. Can an Atheist get insurance against ACTS OF GOD?

3. Atheism is a non-PROPHET organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have MONKEYS AND APES?

5. The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the BAD GIRLS live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said that if she told me, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. What if there were no HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. If a deaf person signs SWEAR WORDS, does his mother was his hands with soap?

9. If someone with MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

10. Is there another word for “SYNONYM?”

11. Where do FOREST RANGERS go to “Get away from it all?”

12. What do you do when you see an ENDANGERED ANIMAL eating an ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they GARNISH his wages?

14. Would a FLY without wings be called a WALK?

15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will CLEAN them?

16. If a TURTLE doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

17. Can Vegetarians ea ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. If the police arrest a MIME, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

21. What was the best thing before SLICED BREAD?

22. One nice thing about EGOTISTS: they don’t talk about other people.

24. How is it possible to have a CIVIL war?

25. If one SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER drowns, do the rest drown too?

26. If you ate both PASTA and ANTIPASTO, would you still be hungry?

27. If you try to FAIL … and SUCCEED … which have you done?

28. Whose cruel idea was it for the word “LISP” to have an ‘S’ in it?

29. Why are hemorrhoids called ‘HEMORRHOIDS’ instead of ‘ASSTEROIDS’?

30. Why is it called TOURIST SEASON if we can’t shoot at them?

31. Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?

32. If you spin an oriental person in a circle three times, do they become DISORIENTED?

Forecast Funny

February 6, 2011

Proof that weather forecasting isn’t a science, this past week I saw the following forecast for my area:

Rain, freezing rain, sleet, and snow?  What didn’t they forecast … cats and dogs?  🙂

I went to Cosmetology school to become an Astronaut

October 12, 2010

You have to love the English language, especially when it comes to space humor.  This all started with a recent article entitles “Uranus in Collision.”  While the planet Uranus has been the butt of many jokes, it always seems to be funny.  In this case, the Uranus in question is actually the YM Uranus – an oil tanker.  It collided with a Panamanian vessel off the coast of France back on October 8th.

So, in honor of Uranus, here are some more corny space-related humor for your entertainment:

1)  What do you mean they’re from makeup schools?  I thought Cosmetologists were Russian astronauts!

2)  What did the astronaut see in his skillet?  An UFO (Unidentified Frying Object).

3)  If runners get athletes foot, do astronauts get “missile toe?”

4)  Why did the aliens invade the computer room?  To hang out at the Space Bar.

5)  How do you get a baby astronaut to fall asleep?  You rocket.

6)  When pestered by his wife as to why he was going to the Space Station, the Astronaut responded by saying he needed his space.

7)  Why aren’t astronauts hungry after they blast off into space? Because they just had a big launch!

Ok space cadets, enough out-of-this-world humor for you today.  Time to come back down to Earth!

Joan meets Gwar

June 14, 2010

I’m not sure if you have ever heard of the band called Gwar before, but this is a great video.  Gwar is an extreme band that specializes in shock rock, and perform in some outrageous costumes.  The fact that this Virginia band ended up on Joan Rivers day-time TV show makes one of two statements: the band became so popular that they “had” to be on her show, or her show was lacking so much in ratings that she needed something to spice it up.  Kick back and enjoy!

Movies: The A-Team

June 12, 2010

GO SEE THIS MOVIE!  I went in to this movie fearing it would be as bad as “The Dukes of Hazzard,” but I was wonderfully surprised, and I think you will be too.  This truly was an epic movie, and I didn’t have any issue adjusting to the new actors playing the well-established characters of B.A., Murdock, Face, and the Colonel.  They even brought back the VAN! 

Since the original story line from the 1980’s TV show wouldn’t work now (being a group of Vietnam Vets would put them a little on the “old” side), the movie re-establishes the history of the team during a 15-minute introduction sequence.  From there, it is a series action scenes, wise cracks, and complicated puzzles to be figured out until the climatic conclusion.  I will caution that there is a little foul language in the movie, but much of it is implied or muffled (intentionally) by explosions or other noises.  Beyond that, I see no reason why young audiences who can tolerate movie violence could not see this film. 

Lastly, I do encourage that you stay through the end of the movie, as there is some bonus features at the end.  Enjoy!

Office rules

March 1, 2010

This funny. I’m sure your office, like mine, have some strange rules and procedures. Maybe you have to separate your paper waste from the rest of your trash, or maybe you have to put in a request for the next years calendar two months before the year ends. Well, how about these rules?

According to the Boston Sunday Herald of October 5, 1958, a Beantown office manager, cleaning out a file in preparation for his firm’s move to a new location, came across these office rules for 1872.


l. Office employees each day will fill lamps, clean chimneys and trim wicks. Wash windows once a week.

2. Each clerk will bring in a bucket of water and a scuttle of coal for the day’s business.

3. Make your pens carefully. You may whittle nibs to your individual taste.

4.Men employees will be given an evening off each week for courting purposes, or two evenings a week if they go regularly to church.

5. After thirteen hours of labor in the office, the employee should spend the remaining time reading the Bible and other good books.

6. Every employee should lay aside from each pay day a goodly sum of his earnings for his benefit during his declining years so that he will not become a burden on society.

7. Any employee who smokes Spanish cigars, uses liquor in any form, or frequents pool and public halls or gets shaved in a barber shop, will give good reason to suspect his worth, intentions, integrity and honesty.

8. The employee who has performed his labor faithfully and without fault for five years, will be given an increase of five cents per day in his pay, providing profits from business permits it.

Quoted from The World of Business, edited by Edward C. Bursk, Donald T. Clark, and Ralph Hidy (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1962), 1374-1375.